she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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