Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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