Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
