no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
