is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
