so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
