The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
