you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Randomize
