my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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