I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
