Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
