did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
North Korea, Best Korea!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
