oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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