My boss' voice literally gives me gas
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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