Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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