I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
