Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
