Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We left the knife in your bed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
