i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
