My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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