Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So much rum. So many feels.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize