I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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