I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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