Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
