We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I wear drunk well.
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