one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
