I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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