so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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