so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
