FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize