One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
