Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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