READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
