You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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