If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
