if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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