Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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