So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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