We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
