Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
MIDGETS
????
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
