I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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