i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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