Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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