i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
