It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
