Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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