Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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