i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
