Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
