what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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