Pappa wants mamma naked
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
