whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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