Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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