wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
