you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
