I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
