Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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