I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
