my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
