then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
