i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize