All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
