Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
