uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
