I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
why is half of my head shaved?
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