my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it glows. i had to have it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
