Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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