3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
