You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
