Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
