I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
