I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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