I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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