I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
