at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
